Fawn-

 

To my most honorable Mother,

I write to inform you with a rolling heart and poignant gist.

Today I was entrusted by His Grace with a task of supreme importance. I had the opportunity to fell one of the sacred deers in His domains. Though I had not dared contemplating stalking such a beautiful animal before, His Grace felt the urgent need to impart me such an auspicious privilege,

I had imagined such privilege was too lofty to be spoiled on a humble servant such as me and have told His Grace such, but His Grace, in His usual unwavering steadfastness, which was known and applauded in our great domains, would not be errant from my feathery disinclination, as He put it: the odium of His lessers. He was right of course. As per a hero of the Korean Campaign in the year of Keicho, and a tiger hunter. His will was not tempered by my simperings. And it was in thinking of the honor and station of our great house that I took upon myself to fulfill His august expectations, and it was also in reverence to His good humor and continual patronage that I sought out the creature and discharged my duties. After all, the Lord's word is His servant's duty.

~

It didn't even flinch or move, mama.

I would tell you, from this most intimate experience did I understood for the first time what it meant to truly be one of the great heroes that lived in the stories you read me when I was your fawning babe. The world was kind enough to reveal a glimpse of its true self and impart me with much meaning in that instant.

I believe my Lord perceived this, and generously insisted that I wrote this to you posthaste of my wonderful heartfelt epiphany. It is why for this occasion He had prepared me a feast of this once majestic fawn. A feast for your son alone. He was so gracious that He assigned my comrades around me daily to ensure that I enjoy His kindness.

I was greatly obliged to receive His hospitality, to which He provided the means of enjoying the sweet creature in three ways. As He graciously put it, “It would be my right. Mine, because I had been curiously drawn to it, I was the only one who dared to sought for it.”

To appreciate it fully, the chefs scented its skin, for today I was entrusted it's tongue, rendered into marbled meat and blended with sweet oil. Tomorrow, I would be entrusted its heart, and for the supper tomorrow, its delicate eyes, which would be made the centerpiece of my soup. What would come...was still more dazzling, for the rest would be awaiting still more treatments for the sesame oil vats.

As I sat, surrounded by my sword brothers' keen appreciative eyes, to know that the palace, the shadows of the sumptuous lamps was all keenly expecting my enjoyment of this reward...was truly humbling, and overwhelming. Instead in partaking such startling pleasures, I found my soul drawn ceaseless to the interminable voices of the bell-crickets. Their mantra moved me with great tumults of emotions, and I found myself inextricably thinking of the pretty, brave creature's mother and fathers, and trying to foolishly dream its deer dreams, what it dreamed for itself, what it would still dream in a different day beyond today, what it still thought of me.

...It is here I should mention relating to a simultaneous note, of a charming girl I met.

A truly sweet, filial girl, of vast virtues and infinite patience, with the soul of a Buddha in this fine estate. And none more kind nor more receptive to your artless son as a humble guest. One whom I had thought in several moments of pure imagination that would be sweet to meet your acquaintance. But alas, fate conspired to part our strands, as milady left my lord's lands this morning, doubtless to seek newer, better paths anew.

I would humbly beg of your forgiveness in indulging my childish sentiments. There was just something...invincible in the girl, divine and greater than everything I know before she parted. She had such a look, something total, and something of the look of complete acceptance at whatever black arrow hurled from fate. She was stronger than I. What strange creatures, that I wondered why have I not thanked you too mama, for braving this world. Thank you, and I am sorry I have never understood this before.

~

The sound of the Gion Shoja temple bells echoes in the distance and the sumptuous feast still lay awaiting my visit. Please accept my one request when you receive this letter. Please go to the temple in Honzan Daishoji, and offer one reverent prayer for the beautiful animal, as I am afraid I could not bring myself to ever do so.

I...would have to be very busy in the days ahead mama. My Lord had been very kind in entrusting me in a variety of trying tests, He has many enemies and no other sword was more proud to be tasked with defending His honor. Do not worry, your son is strong. So if you found yourself unnecessarily worrying over my duties in the days ahead, please know that I am still thankful that you enlightened father in letting me study here. I will strive every day ahead to come back to you a better man. You should know that where ever I am I will always...want to, if just once to kiss your cheek again.

So be happy mama, and let's pretend, let's pretend that the wind on your cheek is me, I'd like to think that. And thank you again, for being so brave in a world so different and so little in agreement with itself.

Your loving son.